Tim Bergling aka Avicii, 8 September 1989 - 20 April 2018

It was three years ago Tim Bergling took his life, in Muscat, Oman. He was 28 years old.

Basically, I had never listened to any of his music nor heard of Him. I remember the photo and headline on the BBC though.

I discovered who he was and his music from then though and he's great, Him and his music. Songs that stand out for me are 'Sunset Jesus', 'Somewhere In Stockholm', 'Never Leave Me' and 'Heart Upon My Sleeve'. 'Hope There's Someone' has the incredible voice of Linnéa Henriksson and 'Dear Boy' has MØ's. Avīci (01) is also a solid EP. 'Never Leave Me' has some significance to me, I listened to it daily for sleeping purposes. I must also mention Joe Janiak and Bonn, 'Hold The Line'/ A R I Z O N A.

Tim Bergling was not only Avicii the DJ, but he was an artist. He produced everything from its germination to the final song. Not only was he prolific with collaborators, but he also found some wicked singers to sing on his songs.

I think I will post once or twice more about Avicii and I don't exactly know how the second one will go, so I'm aware of the content of this one and that one. And possibly the first one, it's basically translating it from written format to publishing on this blog - I think.

As I understood more about what Tim Bergling went through and after watching AVICII: TRUE STORIES, it was not surprising he died. If not then, then another time (and maybe place), but I cannot comment on if it would have been by suicide or when he was older. This is not the same as saying it was good, it absolutely was not, but the pressure and stress he was carrying on his shoulders, and his continued screams of help that were not listened to did not lead to a happy and healthy person and life and his death (in the sense everyone dies).

Then after he retired from live shows, it seemed he was doing so well. He was concentrating on himself. He was free, not living with a schedule and management and deadlines. Physically, he looked healthier.

Another issue that I grappled with was his parents. It's normal for parents to expect to die before their child. But for a child to die before their parents is not only out of what is normally expected, but a reality that must be devastating to process, if you ever do fully. Add in the fact it was by suicide and extremely young, it must be heartbreaking. The fact he was so talented is also another facet, but I don't think the parents would care, all they care about is their son is no longer living and no longer with them.

One outcome and topic of Tim Bergling's/Avicii's tragic suicide is it made huge ripples in the music industry and the mental health field. That it came about from such a young, talented, well-known individual is not desirable, but maybe that's what was needed. The cost has been so high for his family and loved ones and also for his fans, but the latter to a lesser extent, especially as they have no real personal connection to him. Music can be 'forgotten', especially after death.

Listening to his music, Tim seemed to have as a recurring subject the outsider/the other/the misfit/the one who doesn't fit in. Music aside, I think it is safe to say many people listened to his work because of said subject and still do.

- A.M.

Adele commemoration

I saw Adele live in 2017.

I should've commemorated it in 2020, but my blog wasn't an actual reality then and to be honest, I don't think I even remembered it was three years (in 2020). Anyway, I am marking it now, and it is a little over 4 years.

I won't go into details about the whole day because I don't know if I'll write a post about it. Suffice to say it was significant for many reasons and she can sing. I mean I knew she could but to actually see it live is another thing entirely.

Also, I am absolutely aware I am lucky to have seen her and for more than the fact she cancelled Wembley afterwards and she may never tour again.

Whilst I am on the subject of Adele, I did read maybe an article or two about her weight loss, but I don't know if it's justified to react negatively to her losing weight. She has never talked about it really and she can do what she wants with her body. People who also looked up to her because she wasn't the slim singer like many others, this came from them. Adele never put out that message/visual. And she is still being true to herself, she decided to lose weight. It's not like she was made to do it for whatever reason. 

And for those who doubt Adele, just think about it: she releases albums when she wants, she controls her image and performances, she writes her own songs and not that I am saying money is the only thing, but she has enough money not to care and/ or pay for many things. Like she can pay to get the best producers for her album or she can pay for the outfit to be on her in 48 hours. Or maybe a better example, she can pay to use that studio for a month.

For the people who do talk about their weight for the general public and suddenly do a u-turn I can see fans reacting negatively but that is not Adele.

Also, depending, it might not be healthy for you to try to be like someone of that calibre because they may have more resources and access than you ever will. Inspire from them but don't try to be like them. Unless it's harmless, like a haircut or outfit, for example.

Besides, you can never really look like them because our bodies are different unless you get surgery to modify your body. And in that case there might be an underlying issue like low self-esteem.

I have been majorly influenced by one awesome artist before in the hair department, but that's it I think. And then I still kind of did my own thing.

- A.M.

大震災, Great Earthquake

Friday 11 March 2011 at 14.46. Japan was struck by an earthquake and tsunami. 17 days after the 22 February Earthquake in Christchurch. I mentioned it in the post, 'Christchurch, 10 years on', https://holandt.blogspot.com/2021/02/christchurch-10-years-on-i-was-there.html, and will repeat a bit in this one.

In the aftermath of the Christchurch Earthquake, Japan sent help to us. They were shocked and surprised by the damage of the quake.

When we saw the Japan Earthquake and Tsunami on the news, we were overwhelmed. And we had a idea of what they were going through. It was too difficult to process so the TV was turned off.

The Japan Rescue Crew left Christchurch to help their people back home. New Zealand sent people over there too. I can't imagine the mental toll the crews must have been through and may still be living with now. It is not often you'll have to go through two disasters so close together. Both were also on a large scale of damage.

Some of the hardest hit people are the frontline workers. It's not only them, it's loved ones too. Their families are impacted because it's hard not to have your professional life spill into your personal one in those circumstances.

They also had a double hit - earthquake and tsunami. The station was equipped to handle one event, not two. You can't really criticize the Japanese, they are experts in earthquakes, they live with that as a consideration. So if they're struggling, you know it's bad.

I hope they have recovered better than Christchurch. There should be some progress in 10 years and they are a 1st World Country, they have or can get the resources to move forward. New Zealand is and although I haven't been back to Christchurch since I left for non-Earthquake-related reasons, I am sure there are still untouched buildings since 2011 and New Brighton still needs rebuilding and repairing.

It must be weirdly positive for the Japanese and Kiwi Crews because they went through two disasters together and it's a particular set of circumstances. Although Christchurch had earthquakes following February 22, they didn't cause the same level of damage, at least physically, than on the 22. I don't think Japan has had an earthquake and/or tsunami of that level since.

The Prime Minister of Japan in 2011 only recently stepped down. I remember the first press conference, he was so calm and just said words like 'please stay calm' and his whole demeanour just earned my respect (and admiration). When the country you're leading has been hit by two natural disasters and you can be composed, that shows some level of leadership.

The unique bond between Christchurch and Japan, New Zealand and Japan, is exactly that.

- A.M.

Christchurch, 10 years on

I was there. On Tuesday 22 February 2011 at 12.51 pm. 6.3 magnitude earthquake. 5 Km in depth.

I was also there on Saturday 4 September 2010 for the 7.1 magnitude earthquake. 11 Km in depth.

In fact, the only time I wasn't in Christchurch from 2010 until 2015 was for around two months during the then upcoming Summer where I was on holiday overseas.

I haven't watched the Memorial, I don't think I can without crying. Maybe later today.

I was in a bar on the first floor for an administrative issue when the earthquake hit. It was nothing like the 2010 one. Even if you'd never experienced an earthquake until then like me, you would've known it was one, like I did. I didn't move, I just grabbed the bar and the two other people, who were there for the same reason as me, crouched down near the doorway, the man shielding the woman. We left the building as soon as we could and stood outside where a lot of other people were.

I texted someone "I'm fine". Afterwards, they said they didn't understand the text but then they felt the aftershocks up North and knew what I meant.

Luckily, I wasn't in the CBD, nor in New Brighton. I was in Riccarton and I lived in Upper Riccarton. I wasn't one of the 185 people who would die. We were told we could stay and wait for advice or go home. Even then I knew it was stupid, but since we were told we could be looked after, I stayed. The fact I didn't have to look after myself and someone else would was what I wanted. I wasn't even far from home by foot.

I don't even remember what time I got home. We were lucky. We never lost electricity, internet, water. I think we just sat around and had the telly on. I remember we went out to pick up fish and chips for dinner. Surprisingly, but also not surprisingly, they were open. The people who ran the place had that work ethic and business mind - the shop was packed. Aside from living in the aftermath of an earthquake, if we had wanted to go shopping, I think the supermarkets were closed.

At some point the news informed us about the earthquake and tsunami in Japan and that was too much. It was overwhelming. Almost unbelievable, really hard to process. We sympathized completely, but we couldn't watch it.

One of the hardest and saddest things was Japan had sent people over to New Zealand to help USAR (Urban Search and Rescue, lead by the incredible Jim Stuart-Black) and then they had to return home to deal with their disaster and so did some of the Kiwis helping with the earthquake at home. Jim Stuart-Black wasn't at the Memorial in 2011 because he was in Japan. I think he was supposed to collect an award of some sort. He was awesome, he seemed to be very level-headed and when he did interviews, his demeanour wasn't stressed or angry, he answered to the best of his ability and knowledge. Note he made time for the interviews. I remember hearing the Japanese helping USAR were so shocked by what they saw in Christchurch, which was and still is saying something.

The funny thing was and is, there was no news for us in Christchurch. Nothing to update us on or that was relevant. Once they had told us its magnitude and its depth and to stay safe and other practicalities, that was pretty much the news. I think people not in Christchurch knew more than us, because everyone (in Chch) was trying to get their head around the situation that had just happened.

No one expected an earthquake to hit Christchurch the way it did. I was so angry when they found the fault line had been there thousands of years. How did they not know about it?

I had just had two months holiday and was told I had one extra month - aside from being irritated because I was ready to go back, it spoke to the severity of the earthquake in contrast to the 2010 one, where we had two weeks off because of the circumstances.

I decided to stay in New Zealand and not leave, because I had no reason not to: I had a connection and leaving would've been worse in terms of my future than staying. So I stayed.

I attended the Memorial in Hagley Park. Lots of people turned up and I remember Prince William speaking. It was a sunny day and I think lots of people were wearing red and black. It was emotional.

The earthquake in June was a mental shock because we all thought the earthquakes were over. My personal account of that earthquake is a story in itself. I was at the airport that time.

That was also the year of the Rugby World Cup and by God, Christchurch and New Zealand needed the All Blacks to win. I remember the day after seeing 'Fuck Yes!' spray-painted on a wooden fence, which wasn't entirely intact. Lots of the All Blacks playing then came from Christchurch or had links to it.

I signed a pledge in 2011 to not leave Christchurch and I did leave in 2015, but not because of the earthquakes. It was for professional and immigration reasons and I also had no connections like a family or a house or an insurance claim so in that sense I was free and unattached.

For a while after the earthquakes, especially when I was in Wellington and I got asked where I was from, there was that look. Impressed. Many must have thought, "I'm a Wellingtonian, but you're from Christchurch".

I think the people who have it hardest are the general population in Christchurch, especially the ones who are attached by family, owning a house and/or consider Christchurch their home they'll never leave because they've lived there so long. The council, the government, the insurance companies, all the authorities and officials are the ones making it harder and slowing down the reconstruction. Politics and economy. I loved Christchurch and have a certain connection with it, and I still do, but I have no reason to go back there, especially when there are still buildings whose current state are visibly a direct consequence of the earthquake.

Jacinda Ardern seems to be a good leader. Maybe she can make Christchurch's reconstruction progress.

- A.M.